Day 12: A Very Special Evening

Night 12
Thursday June 26th

I started to get anxious about leaving Korea.
I wasn't ready. I didn't feel like I had enough time.
I had 2 more days but I knew they'd fly by in a heartbeat.

That night everyone gathered to play games and drink together but one of my roommates opted to hang out in the room and have a good chat.

We talked about the trip, about our experience as adoptees, about our impressions of other group members, about how the trip has changed us, and what might happen when we went back to our regular life.

A glass of red wine and a long chat was exactly what I needed.

Just as we were wrapping up our conversation, we got a knock on the door. The rest of the group had bought fireworks and were heading out to the beach. My roommate turned in for a early night's sleep and I went out with the group.

It was a magical night. We all knew it was the last night together to be wild and free in Korea.

First we stopped at a small stand that had carnival games- balloon darts and a stacked block/ baseball toss.
We played, won more fireworks, and headed towards the water. There were beaches and a series of bridges and pavillions along the way. The edge of the water was lit up with rainbow lights that changed color and reflected off the water.

We stood on the bridge in a line and lit the fireworks all at the same time. You held the stick in your hand and they let off 6 tiny explosions.

After the fireworks, we all sat in a pavilion and had a long talk. Two volunteer staff members who had been on the trip before told us about their Journey Trip and their experiences when they went back home. Other people shared their experiences too. 

Have I mentioned we talked a lot about our feelings? ; )

It was great to have the opportunity to do a lot of the processing while on the trip with people who can relate to your experience. I feel very grateful to have had such a great group of people to travel with. 

The trust we all had in each other was so strong. 

It's crazy to think that these people were strangers to me and to each other less than two weeks before. 

Their openness and honesty was a treasure.No one pushed anyone to share if they didn't want to but we knew it was a free space to talk about anything. 

Even the people who opened up less, listened intently while they worked things out in their own way.

It was already past the point of being late. We all headed back to the hotel together for some rest. 

It was a great way begin the end of the Journey. 

Day 12: Touring Jeju

Day 12
Thursday June 26th

We started our day at Sunsan Ilchulbong, a sleeping volcano on Jeju Island. It was a little bananas there. Jeju Island is very popular for Chinese and Korean tourists. What should have been a peaceful hike up a pretty volcano, ended up being a hot sticky mess where I was shoulder to shoulder with strangers scream talking at each other, taking photos in the middle of a staircase without warning, and spitting and burping with total disregard.
The view was pretty though.

Below the volcano, down by the water, women were selling live seafood they had caught.

Older women swim out into the water and fish for abalone, sea cucumber, and octopus with no equipment. 

Our guide bought us some of each to sample. 

The sea cucumber and abalone- they cut up right in front of you and you eat raw. 

The octopus they flash boil. 

It is served with gochujang and raw onion. 

The texture of the abalone was not what I expected at all. I thought it would be soft like sashimi but it was tough like tendon or cartilage. The sea cucumber was also chewier than I thought it would be. 

Women divers

Abalone live (top left) Women selling it (bottom left) 

Abalone and sea cucumber raw (top right) Gambe! (cheers!) (bottom right) 

1. Drink soju   2. Nom on sea creatures

After, we had one of my favorite meals of the trip- seafood soup, spicy pork, and grilled mackerel. We had to order a second fish because we all gobbled up the first one. 

Next we went to another folk village. It was very similar to the first. The highlight was playing with the traditional Korean toys and games. 

Swings that you stand up on and go really high. 

Tops. 

A game with sticks and a tall cylinder can you throw the sticks into. 

Stilts. 

Stick and hoop. 

Simplest of all, a round patch of sand with heavy rocks in it- to show strength and settle agreements. 

 At the folk village, they had hydrangeas as big as my head!

After that we visited a waterfall. 

In the parking lot at the waterfall, they had food vendors. Our guide bought a cup of silk worms for everyone to try.
I am not a picky eater in any sense- but silk worms were hard to me. It didn't help that I saw them crawling around the day before in the market. Bugs. Yikes. That's some Timon and Pumba ish. But- I tried it. Who knows when I'd get the opportunity again.

I hated it.

 I hated the idea. I hated the texture. 

I don't remember the taste because the first two things were clouding my senses. 

But I'm glad I tried it.

While the group had dinner, I shopped at a local department store- E Mart. It was my last chance to get goodies before I left Korea.

Day 11: Hyundai, the beach, and an airplane ride

Day 11
Wednesday June 25th

We got on the bus and drove the the Hyundai factory in Ulsan. I had never been to anything like it before. I cannot imagine being the an engineer who designed that building. We were at the finishing factory. Cars were on a track, winding through the factory getting finishing touches put on. Rubber seals on the doors. A dashboard being popped in like a lego. At one point the doors are on the car and the next, they're being put on a separate track, lifted, and are gliding above our heads.
We drove past lots of cars waiting to be loaded into shipping containers and shipped to another continent.

After the factory tour, we drove to Busan, the city I was born in. I was excited to see the city. From what I saw, I really liked it. It is the 2nd largest city in Korea. It seemed smaller and more manageable than Seoul but still bustling.

The bus dropped us off at Heaundae Beach. We had 3 hours of free time. I opted to walk around by myself and meet the group at the beach later.

I walked through their market street. I saw all kinds of sea creatures and a box of live silk worms crawling all over each other, waiting to be taken home and cooked (heebie jeebies). I sampled some street food- kim bap (similar to sushi) and a humbow filled with pork, cellophane noodles and green onion. I walked around the streets popping in and out of stores. Later I met up with the group on the beach.
We played monkey in the middle in the water. Some people played soccer on the beach. The sun was shining. The sand was hot. It was great!

After the beach, we drove to the airport to fly to Jeju Island, a quick 30 minute plane ride from Busan.
We went from the airport straight to dinner. Jeju Island is famous for tangerines and black pig pork.

Grill it on the bbq.

Grab a lettuce leaf. Add rice, green onion, and gochujang. 

Put the whole thing in your mouth at once. 

That night we took it easy. Played some games and stayed up late talking. Our tummies were very, very pleased. 

Day 10: Drinking Games

Day 10
Tuesday June 24th

That night we all had dinner together. Staff made dinner- we had kim chi rice, pah jong (Korean savory pancake), dduk bokki (spicy rice cake), and pigs feet.

Afterwards, we all gathered to have some drinks and hang out.

We all shared drinking games.

A guy from the Netherlands taught us a game where you put a stack of cards on the top of a wine bottle.
You have to blow on the cards with one breath. The goal is to knock off as many cards as possible without knock the deck off the bottle. If you blow 1 or more cards off without knocking the deck off, you've done well. If you blow and no cards fall off, you have to drink. If you blow and knock all the cards off, you have to drink. You want to get the deck low, so the person after you has a hard time.

We learned 2 Korean games.

Baskin Robins 31:
You say Baskin Robins 31 and then someone starts counting.
You can say 1-3 numbers in a row, you get to choose how many.
The person stuck saying 31 has to drink.
EX: Person A: "1,2,3" Person B: "4", Person C:"5,6,7"

The Pointing Game (?) I don't know what it's called
The person who's turn it is counts to 3 and then says a number.
Everyone points at someone else.
Starting with the person who said the number you trace where everyone is pointing.
The person who is pointed at when you reach the number that was said, has to drink.
BUT- the person who says the number gets to choose what the loser drinks.

These are called punishment games.
Horrible concoctions were being made. Soju, mixed with soda, with chewed up and spit out rice cake. Beer with pickled daikon juice. It was pretty nasty.

I tried to teach everyone how to play flip cup.
Perhaps with a slight buzz on, I didn't explain it very well, especially with 4 languages present. People didn't get that it was a relay race. People just didn't get it.
Everyone asked, "What happens when you win?" I said, "Uh...pride that you won?"

At which point several people told me that is was a stupid, pointless game, like I had committed a horrible party foul...

At which point, I left. I was buzzed. I was exhausted. I was overly sensitive from the conversation I had had earlier in the day. I didn't want to play drinking games. I wanted to drink with friends.

But that's the nice thing about having a big group, I found other people having a quieter night. I even met some Americans in the lobby of our hotel.

Day 9 and 10: Climbing a mountain and Buddhist temples

Day 9
Monday June 23rd

Our guide told us we would be doing a moderate hike to the top of Mt. Seorak. He told us that a five year old completed the hike so we had no excuses. He lied.

It was an amazing hike though. There were beautiful rock formations, views, and streams. 80% was moderate. 20% was a challenge- the last 20%. Half way through there was a beautiful Buddhist temple with a monk chanting inside. We kept climbing higher and higher. Paved path, changed to a stone path, changed to rock, and then into endless steep stairways to the top. I needed the physical exercise. I think my sweat was pure soju. I thought I was going to die. I kept seeing Korean people, long sleeves, hats and pants. I was in shorts and a tank top and was burning up.

We all made it to the top with the exception of our guides and a group member who was feeling under the weather. At the top, there was a man with a tiny stand serving iced tea and coffee. It was crazy to imagine he hiked that peak everyday.

When we got to the top, it was pure white. We were inside of a cloud. I heard the views on a clear day are amazing. Blerg. I thought maybe I had passed out on the way up and this was heaven- except there were squirrels and a man selling souvenirs and the girl who talks a lot was still there...so I was pretty sure it was just cloudy.

Squirrels look different. The other squirrel had tufts of hair sticking out from the top of his ears. We tried to feed them coco puffs from our hands. It didn't work...

This was a little beetle I met on my way down. I love the way they look. 

After our group photo, because-in Korea, there was always a group photo, I booked it down the mountain solo and was met by our guide who bought me ice cream. I teased him about being a liar and he laughed like a mischevious 8 year old boy who pulled off a great trick. My legs were jello.

It was a quiet bus ride that day to Gyeongju. We all passed out. We were exhausted. 

Day 10

Tuesday June 24th 

Tuesday morning we were met by Mr. Min. He was 55 years old and he looked like 40. He spoke English and toured us around Gyeongju. It was lovely to see the pride he had in his city and how happy he was to share its history with us

. 

First we went to Seokgulam Grotto, a buddhist temple constructed in 751. It was under construction so it didn't look quite like it usually did but it was beautiful. 

This was fountain you could drink from. If you drink a cup, you'll become a year younger. 

I filled my water bottle. 

We had lunch at a Chinese Restaurant. We had one of my favorite dishes- jang jang myun, fermented black bean noodles and cham pong, a seafood noodle soup. 

After lunch, we went to Bulguksa, another temple. It was really beautiful. Mr. Min shared a lot of information with us about Buddhism in Korea. 

There are two types of pagodas, Mr. Min explained, female and male. You can tell a female pagoda from a male pagoda because "the female pagoda is very complicated." He meant in design but I'm sure he meant in a greater sense as well.

I loved the design of the temples. 

The top is what is used to ring the bell, its supposed to signify a whale. There is a dragon at the top of Korean Buddhist bells. There is a story about the whale and the dragon but I'm not sure of the lore.

After that, we did a rapid tour through Gyeongju Museum but we were all still exhausted from the mountain hike. Mr. Min cut the tour short and we went back to the hotel. 

A few girls and I went to the sauna at the hotel.There was a steam room, a dry sauna, a hot tub, a very hot tub, and a cold plunge. It was really nice to relax and have some quiet time. 

That night I had a really important conversation with a group member. The kind of talk you can only have with another adoptee. It meant a lot Martine. <3 <3 <3

Day 8 cont...

Day 8
Sunday June 22nd

After the church service, we had lunch and spent time with Korean families who adopted domestically.

It was really sweet! I made some origami star boxes for the kids and chatted with the girls a little bit.

One group member of ours, Axel, had an extra special experience. He was wearing an H M Son World Cup jersey. We had gone to Nike the day before in Gangnam. He had it custom printed so it was the real deal.

This little boy lit up as soon as he saw him. The little boy was convinced he was Heung Min. Parents told him that it wasn't the soccer player but this boy heard none of it. He asked to be picked up. Axel carried him around for the full hour we were there. The boy's mother didn't want her son to be a bother so she tried to take him from Axel and the boys grip tightened. Axel assured her it was fine but other parents said that the boy was showing disobedience. Axel put him down but the boy didn't leave his side so a second. He put stickers all over Axel's face. I made him an origami dinosaur and the little boy asked for a pen. I gave him one and he drew hearts all over it. It melted all of us.

It was these moments. Never in a million years could you anticipate or plan for- that stick with you for a lifetime.

Later that day we traveled by bus to Sokcho. It was one of the most beautiful places I had ever been.
We had sundubu chigae and grilled dried fish for dinner-food that are famous in the region.
They have very pure water so they are known for the quality of their tofu.
They're so proud of their tofu, in fact, that their authentic version of sundubu is water, salt, and tofu.

That night, a fellow group member and I went to for a run around the grounds of the hotel. It was the first time we exercised in a week. It felt so great. The air was so pure. It was a great first night out of the city.

View from our room at the Delpino Resort in Sokcho.

Day 8: The infinity symbol- holding both sides of my identity

Day 8
Sunday June 22nd

This was our last morning in Seoul before heading out on our rural tour (to see the countryside of Korea).

We went to church because the tour I went with was sponsored by a company that has Christian values. The trip is not focused on Christianity. It is a small part of the tour. We did pray before many meals but the company was respectful of the fact that most people on the trip were not of Christian faith. Likewise, I was happy that, while most of the group was not Christian, we were all really respectful of the company's emphasis on their faith. The service was in English and everyone at the church welcomed us. I had one of the most touching moments of my trip during the service.

I was brought up in the Methodist Church. I went to Sunday school every Sunday with my mom. I went to Bible Camp and later volunteered there. I sang in the choir. I was a member of the youth group. I did morning bible study in high school. Up until I was 16, I was a very active member of the church. It was a place to see my friends. A ritual. A special time for me and my mom every morning. When I was little I would sit on her lap on stage while she sang in the choir. When she sat in the pew, she and I would write notes back and forth about how we would spend the rest of our Sunday. I had an older woman in church I would see every Sunday that shared my birthday. We had spaghetti dinners, bake sales, and special events. My friends and I played MASH when the sermon was boring. When I was older, I realized Christianity isn't for me but I respect the faith and I miss the community around my church.

The service we attended in Korea was a direct mirror to the service back home. Sing along songs, greeting your neighbor, prayers said aloud, and a choir in robes. They even had a string orchestra that was really great!

I was having a really hard time before I left for Korea. I had a lot of fear about what I might find there or what I might discover about myself- whether it be in the form of facts or emotions.

My therapist told me to think about the infinity symbol.

One side of it is the beautiful life I have had in America. My family, my friends, my accomplishments, my home, my identity as an American, my strong will.

The other side of it is the tiny baby in Korea. A mother who gave up her child. A baby in an orphanage mourning the loss of its mother and struggling to survive. An identity as a Korean woman that to me was just a grey silhouette that had no details. The accumulation of small remarks about being different, being foreign, being unwanted.

She reminded me that we can't stay on either side of those loops too long or we are denying ourselves the entire truth. If we pretend that we're happy all the time, we are denying the hurt we feel and have felt. If we stay lingering on the past, we'll fall into a darkness that denies the happiness we've experienced.
We have to move between both sides- hold both the happiness and the sadness. Honor both because they make you who you are.

This stuck with me my entire trip.

Being at that church, in my home country, seeing a choir full of Korean people in robes just like my mom in New York wore, singing the same songs I shared with her during my very happy childhood in the US tied those two worlds together for me and I cried with happiness.

It is easy to fall down the rabbit hole of 'what ifs' as an adoptee- especially while in Korea. 
It is easy to forget your identity outside of being an adoptee.

You scan faces in a crowd- and you don't mean to but you think- Are they out there? Could the be on this street? Would I know if they were?
You see the babies in the orphanages and you see yourself.
You see mothers and fathers playing with their children in the park and think, is that what it would have been like?
You see people your age on the subway and think- do I blend in? Is that what I look like?
How would I have been different?
What if I stayed?
Would it have been as bad as they say it would have been for a child out of wedlock?
Is my mother thinking of me right now?

I'll never be completely Korean. I'll never be completely American. 

Now that I have learned a little bit about Korea- about a culture that thought adoption was the answer, about the history of a country that has been through so much, after meeting so many kind, generous Korean people who wish for me to feel pride in who I am- it is easier for me to move between the two sides.