Adoption Books

I think I've ODed on adoption literature. Can't. Read. More...

That being said, they were great and I got something out of each one of them.

If you only read one, I recommend The Primal Wound.
The title and cover threw me a bit- it looked like it was a little too woo-woo and feely.
I hemmed and hawed over buying it. I thumbed through it three or four times at Elliott Bay Books before buying it. I'm glad I did.

Here's a list of what I've read. 
The book titles are linked to the book on Amazon.com.

1. The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier  

A mother of an adoptee has written a book that describes many facets of the adoptee experience. Interviews and examples.

• There is good focus on issues surrounding transracial adoption. 

• There were some effects of the adoption experience in her book I did not relate to but much of it I did. 

• It also gives the adoptee a well rounded outlook on what a reunion with birth family could hold- the good and the bad.

• My favorite concept from the book is that there is a triad of loss: The birth mother who gives up her child, the adoptee who is taken away from her birth family, and the adoptive mother who is mourning not having a child of their own (they are assuming that the adoptive mother cannot have children or have more children biologically). This idea is also suggesting that each person in the triad may not be consciously mourning these losses but that they're operating on some level within us.  

2. I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children by Sara Dorow

Korean birth mothers at a center for unwed mothers in Korea write letters to their children as a part of their healing process. An editor has selected letters for the book. The book mentions that the letters are written in a very poetic style so they use a lot of dramatic and descriptive language.

• It was a great read- and a quick read- but after a while the letters are a bit repetitive. 
• Some letters resonated more than others. I felt like from reading the letters and knowing my own story, I was piecing together a fictional letter from my own mother to me.  

• Growing up in the US, I think it was hard to understand how women were seen having children out of wedlock. After reading the book, I have a greater understanding of the cultural context surrounding birth mothers and adoption.  I had been told me whole life that my mother gave me up for adoption because unwed mothers in Korea are looked down upon. She was also very poor with many responsibilities- taking care of her younger brothers. My mother wanted me to have a better life and requested that I go to the United States.   

• What surprised me about the book was how many birth mothers thought that their children would grow up and hate their mothers for giving them away. They were all fearful of the anger and resentment their children would hold for them. 

3. Once They Hear My Name by Ellen Lee 

Extensive interviews are conducted with Korean adoptees about their experiences and feelings towards identity and adoption. Instead of transcribing the interviews in a Q&A format, the author took their interview and wrote a first person narrative that each adoptee then approved.

• The content of the book is great in theory but there is a weird flatness to the way the stories are written that makes it tough for me to read. I think that it lacks depth from being told as if it was in the first person while not actually being told in the first person. It comes across as "I was adopted. Then I felt sad and alone. I felt like an outsider. I thought I was white. Then I met Korean people at Korean culture camp. Then I went to college. Then I learned Korean. Now I feel more like myself."   It would have been a great documentary film.   

• Many aspects of their stories are relatable- growing up as the only person of color, meeting Korean people for the first time, going to Korea, searching for birth families, etc.

• I would recommend this book to people who haven't had the experience of meeting other adoptees to talk about their experiences or are just starting to explore the impact of adoption on their lives.

4. Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton 

This was the first book about adoption that I read. The title is pretty self explanatory.

• For me, this book didn't cover a lot about transracial adoption which was my main interest.

•  It was a good book and gave me lots to think about. It kind of opened the door to me exploring more about the effects of my adoption. 

Asian American Experience & Entertainment

Fresh Off the Boat is coming to ABC. It's the story of Eddie Huang's family. Taiwanese immigrants that move from DC to Orlando so his father can live out the 'American Dream.' The story is told from the parents' perspective as well as the kids.

There have been a lot of polarizing posts about the show within the Asian community. Some say that it's the representation that the Asian community that has been lacking for years. Some say that it's perpetuating stereotypes.

I've thought a lot about it and I think there are pros and cons to the premise of the show.

1. It is one person's memoir made into a TV show. It is from a book he wrote. The title is the same title as his memoir. It is not meant to be the sole representation of Asian American life. It is his story. In his words. With a title that he feels comfortable with.

2. You hang out with a group of Asian Americans and they will tell you similar stories to that of Eddie Huang. The struggle to find acceptance. Being called racist slurs. Having to prove you are American when you aren't Caucasian.

3. The premise of the show is a fish out of water story and that makes me uncomfortable. They want to be American so badly- but can't quite blend in. Despite making jokes about the culture they've found themselves in, and some of that culture's absurdity, most of the humor stems from the fact that they don't fit in.

4. I can laugh at these jokes because I can relate to them. People who haven't been through similar experiences are laughing for a different reason. 'Laughing at' instead of 'Laughing with.'
    This kind of exposure, to these kind of jokes, encourages people to re-tell these jokes to me- which I don't find funny- and then they don't understand why it didn't make me laugh, it made me defensive. They are telling similar jokes to what they see on shows like these. Often times, it's a way of saying, "See!!! I GET the joke" but it doesn't come off that way. Why? Because they lack ownership of the experience.

So that got me thinking-

What would the perfect representation of Asian Americans in mainstream pop culture look like?

The show Traffic Light did it well- even though that show was short lived. One of the 3 main characters was married to an Asian woman and they had a baby. The baby was bi-racial. Her ethnicity never came up and they were happily married. She didn't have an accent. The husband wasn't taken to ethnic cultural ceremonies where he felt out of place as a Caucasian male. She was successful without making it seem like she was a smart BECAUSE she was Asian. The fact that they were a bi-racial couple was never brought up- like in real life.

I would like to see Asian Americans in mainstream pop culture without a justification of WHY they are Asian. It is that simple.

But then that denies the problems that exist within the Asian American experience...

Maybe I'd like to see a show that featured Asian Americans where, once their characters were established, issues that stemmed from race were explored without being exploited...

I don't know the answer. Thoughts?

I was recently at a open discussion about sustainability in the theatre community in Seattle.
The only people of color in the room was me and a Filipina woman. She brought up the idea of racial diversity and sustainability.

She voiced that sometimes people of color don't feel comfortable going certain auditions because of race. For example, a period piece or a show that revolves around a nuclear family.

She and I spoke to the fact that we were Asian American women that didn't want to be pigeon holed into doing plays that centered around Asian American or Asian issues. We wanted to have the same opportunity as everyone else to audition and be cast without attention being drawn to our ethnicity.

At this point, two young Caucasian males spoke up. One young man said, "Why don't we create a forum on TPS' website for minorities to get together, talk to each other, and create a play about their struggles?" The other young man said that he was often discouraged from going to an audition because the character description called for a person of a specific cultural and/or ethnic background other than Caucasian and he knew he couldn't audition for a part and that that was worse and/ or the same thing.

Were these comments racist? No.
Were they ignorant? Yes.

These young men meant no offense but they missed the point of what we were talking about in such a way that perfectly proved our point.

What is the answer? How can we build to a higher ground?