Adoption Books

I think I've ODed on adoption literature. Can't. Read. More...

That being said, they were great and I got something out of each one of them.

If you only read one, I recommend The Primal Wound.
The title and cover threw me a bit- it looked like it was a little too woo-woo and feely.
I hemmed and hawed over buying it. I thumbed through it three or four times at Elliott Bay Books before buying it. I'm glad I did.

Here's a list of what I've read. 
The book titles are linked to the book on Amazon.com.

1. The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier  

A mother of an adoptee has written a book that describes many facets of the adoptee experience. Interviews and examples.

• There is good focus on issues surrounding transracial adoption. 

• There were some effects of the adoption experience in her book I did not relate to but much of it I did. 

• It also gives the adoptee a well rounded outlook on what a reunion with birth family could hold- the good and the bad.

• My favorite concept from the book is that there is a triad of loss: The birth mother who gives up her child, the adoptee who is taken away from her birth family, and the adoptive mother who is mourning not having a child of their own (they are assuming that the adoptive mother cannot have children or have more children biologically). This idea is also suggesting that each person in the triad may not be consciously mourning these losses but that they're operating on some level within us.  

2. I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children by Sara Dorow

Korean birth mothers at a center for unwed mothers in Korea write letters to their children as a part of their healing process. An editor has selected letters for the book. The book mentions that the letters are written in a very poetic style so they use a lot of dramatic and descriptive language.

• It was a great read- and a quick read- but after a while the letters are a bit repetitive. 
• Some letters resonated more than others. I felt like from reading the letters and knowing my own story, I was piecing together a fictional letter from my own mother to me.  

• Growing up in the US, I think it was hard to understand how women were seen having children out of wedlock. After reading the book, I have a greater understanding of the cultural context surrounding birth mothers and adoption.  I had been told me whole life that my mother gave me up for adoption because unwed mothers in Korea are looked down upon. She was also very poor with many responsibilities- taking care of her younger brothers. My mother wanted me to have a better life and requested that I go to the United States.   

• What surprised me about the book was how many birth mothers thought that their children would grow up and hate their mothers for giving them away. They were all fearful of the anger and resentment their children would hold for them. 

3. Once They Hear My Name by Ellen Lee 

Extensive interviews are conducted with Korean adoptees about their experiences and feelings towards identity and adoption. Instead of transcribing the interviews in a Q&A format, the author took their interview and wrote a first person narrative that each adoptee then approved.

• The content of the book is great in theory but there is a weird flatness to the way the stories are written that makes it tough for me to read. I think that it lacks depth from being told as if it was in the first person while not actually being told in the first person. It comes across as "I was adopted. Then I felt sad and alone. I felt like an outsider. I thought I was white. Then I met Korean people at Korean culture camp. Then I went to college. Then I learned Korean. Now I feel more like myself."   It would have been a great documentary film.   

• Many aspects of their stories are relatable- growing up as the only person of color, meeting Korean people for the first time, going to Korea, searching for birth families, etc.

• I would recommend this book to people who haven't had the experience of meeting other adoptees to talk about their experiences or are just starting to explore the impact of adoption on their lives.

4. Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton 

This was the first book about adoption that I read. The title is pretty self explanatory.

• For me, this book didn't cover a lot about transracial adoption which was my main interest.

•  It was a good book and gave me lots to think about. It kind of opened the door to me exploring more about the effects of my adoption.