This is real life.

Let me preface this story with- I am not saying I am surprised and outraged by the following conversation. 
I want to share it as an example of what happens to me on a regular basis. 
This kind of conversation has taken place many, many times before.
It connects to my previous post about the fact that this is how I am viewed by the culture around me, while feeling disconnected to the culture I am assumed to be. 

INTERIOR- Afternoon

An estate sale inside a house in Ballard. A young Asian American woman, 28, is looking through clothes, books, and household items. A man, Caucasian, late 50s-early 60s, approaches.

Man: Do you like New York?

Woman: I'm from New York.

Man: Really? Where? Brooklyn?

Woman: No, I'm from Upstate, Rochester.

Man: Ahhh...Ni hao ma.

Woman: I don't speak Chinese.

Man: What languages do you speak?

Woman: English.

Man sighs heavily, annoyed.

Man: Yeah, but you don't have an accent like New York. Where are you from?

Woman, who has been speaking with a perfect American accent answers confidently.

Woman: I was born in Korea. I grew up in New York.

Man: Bangapseumnida.

Woman looks at him quizzically and continues to shop.

Man: I spent some time in Korea. Seoul is a great city. Busan...eh, I didn't care for it much. But Seoul, if you were to go there today...well, you wouldn't even recognize it.

Woman ignores Man's comments and continues to walk through the house.
Man exits the house to the sidewalk.  Woman selects a few item, pays, and then exits the house.

CONT' EXTERIOR- Afternoon

Man: Bangapseumnida. Bangapseumnida. What do you do?

Woman: I'm a nanny.

Man: That's important work. I used to work with autistic kids- had a couple of savants. Now one works for Microsoft. He can look through data and find errors like  that-

Man snaps his fingers.

Woman smiles politely as she fishes her keys in her purse.

Woman: Uh- huh

She unlocks car then drives away.



So what's wrong with this conversation? 
- When I said I spoke English, I meant it. I don't speak Korean yet.
- He told me I don't have a 'New York' accent...implying I have what kind of accent?
- My reaction was cold and I totally shut down.

What is the most troubling to me, in the age of Facebook, is that we'd say, "That's racist" or "He's a jerk."

Facebook and HuffPo and Buzzfeed are constantly telling me to be outraged by things like that.

Racist is an inflammatory word that nobody wants to be called. 

This man was ignorant and presumptuous.

My reaction to the situation allows him to continue down that path.

I HATE being the advocate for diversity- I HATE IT.

But I could I have easily said to him, "I was born in Korea but I am American. I grew up in New York since I was 4 months old. I don't speak Korean. I speak English."

This is the dilemma: 

I look Korean,
I am American.

Often times, Americans want to prove how worldly they are by showing me how much they know about Korea- they know some Korean phrases, they love Korean food, they taught English in Korea...

This is meant as an offering- "See? I'm cool with you."
But it comes across as something different to my ears because it's a reminder that you see me as Korean, not American.

A: Where are you from?
B: I'm from New York.
A: Uh...But, I mean, Where are you from?

To me, my answer was clear: "I'm from New York."

In this 4 word sentence, I have just revealed how I identify culturally. The person who asks does not see that answer, and wants to entertain their own curiosity, not necessarily with ill intent.

I can give him the spiel of how I was born in Korean but was adopted, grew up in New York and have lived in Seattle for the past 2 years. It would be easy.
It's just one long run on sentence.

The problem doesn't lie in WHAT I have to do.
The problem lies in WHY I have to do it.

Why do I have to explain to you why I don't speak Korean?
When I tell you I'm from New York, why are you not satiated?
Why, when speaking in a perfect American accent, do you tell me that I don't sound like I'm from New York?

If a Caucasian American at a dinner party was asked, "Where are you from?" and they replied, "Well, I was an invitro-fertilization in a clinic in Colorado but then my mother, while pregnant with me, moved to South Carolina, where I was born. I don't have a Southern accent because my mother is actually from Colorado and my father, he's from Boston so sometimes when I say "car" you can hear it. Are you picking up on that?"
They would sound totally CRAZY!!!!!!!!!
But this is how I am expected to explain myself all the time. It's tiring.

We really have to stop using the word 'racist' so freely.
To me, 'racist' means- 'I believe one race is more superior to the other.'
What we're experiencing is insensitivity and ignorance along side misguided displays of acceptance.
Stereotypes that are perpetuated by the media saying- this is this and that is that.

It is frustrating being the teachers and advocates.
But we're going to create a larger divide with inaction.