Being adopted is like being a Cylon...

This may sound ridiculous but stay with me here...
Being ready to explore my history in Korea and my identity as Korean American reminded me of Battlestar Galactica.

I walked around for 26 years not admitting to myself adoption meant anything to me.

"Do you want to go back to Korea?" - Nope.
"Do you want to find your birth parents?" -No.
"Do you want to learn Korean?" -Nah...

I've talked to other adoptees and they felt similarly for a long time. I've talked to other adoptees that still feel this way. We all agree that, for the most part, this stems from being told we're not different than anyone else, and that we don't want to be. Some people just don't feel a connection to it. They're American. They don't need to feel Korean.

But for me, it feels like a light came on. "DING! You are now ready to discover your past."
It reminded me of Battlestar Galactica, when the cylons hear the music and all come together and realize they're cylons. Something all of a sudden is activated for them to realize their true origins.

It happened in 2013. I was working on a stage adaption of The Joy Luck Club (art imitates life, eh?)
I was cast with a group of Asian Americans that represented almost every Asian American experience. Immigrants, first generation, second generation, people with mixed race families, people who identified strongly and proudly with their ethnicity,and people who felt distant from it.

I was talking with woman who was also from the East Coast who grew up in a very Caucasian town  and she said, "Wasn't it such a relief when you came out to Seattle? To see so many more Asian people? I felt at home here."

I thought, "Uh...I don't know?" but instead I said, "Oh, yeah. Definitely."

I talked to my therapist about the conversation I had with this woman.
"Why don't I feel that? Why don't I notice that there are more Asian Americans around me now?"
She told me that it was because the woman's family was also Asian. She had a mirror feeding back her identity. I don't. I don't think I am white but when I see other Asian Americans, I don't think to myself, "They look like me." I can't really describe it.

Exploring the story of The Joy Luck Club- about mother's sacrifices for their children to have a better life and being surrounded by an almost all Asian cast turned on my "light."

Since then I joined an adoptee group in Seattle called AAAW (Asian Adult Adoptees of Washington), I worked with a therapist to help sort through my feelings, I did a birth parent search, and now I'm going to Korea. It has been a magical year of discovery with a lot more surprises in store.