Empathy is Feeling with Someone

Empathy is feeling with someone. 

I know I should be excited for this trip to Korea. 

I AM excited for this trip to Korea. 

But I am also scared out of my mind. 

I am scared that the story I was told about the conditions in which I was given up for adoption is untrue.
I am afraid the name I have on my paperwork was given to me by the orphanage and not my mother.
I am afraid my birthday isn't my real birthday.
I am afraid I am going to see other adoptees meet their birthparents, and feel a deep sadness for something I convinced myself I didn't want to find.
I am afraid that when I see the babies in the orphange, I won't be able to stop crying.
I am afraid being in a country where everyone looks similar to me will make me feel either more whole or less whole.
I am afraid I won't feel anything.
I am afraid I might feel everything.

I've always dealt with varying degrees of anxiety which sometimes makes me push people away and sometimes makes me reach out like crazy to feel a connection that makes me feel more grounded. Preparing for this trip, it's been a bit of both. I have grown to be able to recognize when I'm doing it, but I can't really figure out what exactly is causing it or how to control it.

I've talked to a few people about the trip. Other adoptees have been a great outlet because of their shared experience and perspective.

Non-adoptees have been very supportive but at times the support has lacked empathy.
"I leave in two weeks. I'm kind of surprised, but I am really nervous about it," I say.
The response to that statement has been varying degrees of, "C'mon, it will be so great. I am excited for you."

The trouble with this response is that it masquerades as support- and is intended to be support. They think they're saying, "Aww, don't stress yourself out. This trip could be life changing."
But what it's really saying is, "Cheer up. If I was you, I'd be excited."
Which is saying, don't feel the way you're feeling and makes me feel guilty that I'm feeling uneasy about something wonderful that is happening to me.

Would I know what to say in this situation? I'm not sure. I say the wrong thing all the time. I am guilty for sure.
But instead I can tell you what I'd like to hear.
I'd like to hear someone say, "What about the trip is making you nervous?" or "I can see why you'd be nervous, this trip holds a lot of meaning to you."

It also picks at the same scab from when I was younger.
"Someone at school told me to go back to China. That my eyes are squinty and my nose is flat," I'd say.
And everyone around me responded, "They're just stupid. They don't know anything. We don't even think of you as Asian."
Which taught me, instead of acknowledging that I am different and learning to stand up for myself in these situations, I always thought, "I am better than them. They're just idiots. There's no point in fixing the situation. The people I care about me see me as the same as them, so I am the same as them."
It's not the same as saying, "Wow, that is really hurtful thing to say. You're not from China. You're Korean. More importantly, you're American. We all look different and that's what makes us unique."

It is important to remember empathy. It isn't easy. It isn't always comfortable. But it is what makes human connection true and real and deep and lasting.