I have my adoption paperwork in English, but we are doing file reviews of Korean paperwork. I have heard from some people that there is additional information in the Korean paperwork.
I have read my adoption paperwork in English over and over again since I was little. It is on this really thin delicate paper and everything was written on a typewriter. It always felt special to pull it out and re-read my story.
Over the years, the same papers with the same words have had totally different meaning to me.
When I was little, my mom would read them to me.
At that time, the papers told me a tiny piece of my story.
My name was Ja-Young Park (which means bright and benevolent, my mom always liked that.) I was born in Pusan, Korea. My birth mother was young and unmarried. She had to help take care of her 2 brothers because her father had died when she was young. She and my father were together but unmarried. Because babies out of wedlock were looked down upon, especially girls, my mother gave me up for adoption. She asked specifically for me to come to America so I could have a better life.My father had olive colored skin like me. I had a loud impatient cry when I was hungry (which was always a joke in my family because when I get hungry, I get hangry...like really hangry.) I was failure to thrive when I was a baby. When I was little, I thought this just meant that I was sick...like, a cold. Most babies were in foster homes, but I was in an orphanage for 3 months. The last month, before coming to America, I was with a foster family.
Later, when I was 16, I was showing my high school boyfriend my paperwork. On the first page was information about my birth mother. "Name"- it was blank, but he and I looked closer. The space for her name wasn't blank, it was covered with typewriter eraser. We picked it off and there was her name: Hak Ja Park. It was weird seeing it there and knowing that this whole time it was just hiding under some flaky white tape. It felt more real to know her name and to know that part of her name was my name too.
Most recently, re-reading the paperwork, I am noticing things I didn't notice before. I don't know if it's because I brushed over the details before or because I didn't have the frame of reference I do now.
This is how the paperwork sounds to me now:
My birthmother was 22 when I was born. She and my father had known each other since high school. They lived together before he joined the military.
This means they knew each other at least 4 years. They lived together.While it was probably unplanned, it meant something to her, and she was alone during the pregnancy.
Then the paperwork goes on to say that, "She continued company work until she was 7 months pregnant, for recognizing her pregnancy late as she had menstrual irregularity. Troubled in mind, she gave birth to the child. But she was young and out of any financial ability so as not to even support her brothers. In consequence, she released the child to SWS for adoption for the good of the child."
Re-reading it now, it has such a different tone than it did when I was little.
Another thing that jumped out from my paperwork now that I am older, is that I was failure to thrive.
As I said, I thought it was just that I was sick, like a cold. Failure to thrive can mean a baby isn't gaining weight and developing at a normal rate, but it can also mean that it is a form of babies mourning the loss of their birthmother. Children get a glazed over look in their eyes and start to give up. My paperwork says I had trouble with digestion. I slept a lot. I would wake everyday a half hour before the regulated feeding time and I would cry because I was still hungry after they gave me the allotted amount of food.
This is a photo of me at 1 month (Left) and 3 months old (Right)
When I was little, I used to look at the photo on the right and thing it was funny. I looked weird. I had little froggy toes. They put me in this silly outfit. This photo was always shown to me with a photo of me 1 month after I got to America right next to it. In that photo, I'm 5 months old. I have round cheeks, a huge smile on my face and I'm dressed head to toe in pink. The story was always: you were sick, then you got better, then you came to America and you fattened right up from love and affection- which is true. Looking at this photo now though, I feel such a sadness for that baby in that picture. But now I can be sad and happy for that baby, instead of just being happy or just feeling sad.
I am anxious to see what the file says in Korea. Maybe I will learn nothing new. Maybe the translator did a great job the first time. Either way- lots of discoveries big and small await.
My flight leaves in 3 hours.
Corinne - Thank you for sharing as you journey along. I'm thinking of you as you make this trip.
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