Being home

I've been home from the trip to Korea for a little over a week.

I was anxious that when I came back I would have a difficult time but I am feeling pretty good.

I miss Korea. I miss seeing the same people everyday. I miss the food. (Oh, how I miss the food)

The only thing that I had a hard time with was waking up from sleep. For 7 days in a row, I startled awake and couldn't figure out where I was. I had dreams that I was with the group in a city far from Seoul and that I had to find my own way back to the airport or I would just wake up and not recognize where I was. It was a really disorienting feeling but it stopped a few days ago.

I think the most important part of my adjustment back home was that I had been doing work for a year in therapy to prepare me for the trip. I went into the trip knowing how I felt about many aspects of my adoption and prepared to feel and experience anything that came my way. I processed a lot of things during the trip- internally and during long conversations with group members
Also, blogging about how I felt before the trip helped me sort some things out for myself.
I am so grateful to my friends and family who have read it and told me that they gained an understanding about what I was experiencing that they didn't have before. I really can't express how much that means to me. 

I didn't know if coming back, I'd feel like I could talk about my trip but it has been easy for me. My friends and family have been really supportive. They have asked me insightful questions and been such good listeners. 
One friend was especially careful in the questions she asked me. I really appreciated the care she took. I told her she could ask me whatever she wanted. She was a close friend whose interest was genuine and invested in me and my experience. I told her if she did ask a question I didn't want to answer, I'd tell her.

What bothers me is when someone I don't know very well asks me really personal questions that are motivated from curiosity about the subject matter and not about myself. For example, I am at a party. I meet someone and they ask me where I am from...meaning where are you FROM?
After telling them I am a Korean adoptee, their follow up question is, "Are you going to look for your mom?" It goes from 0-60.
"Hi. I'm Corinne. I live in Seattle. Oh, I was born in Korea- that's why "my English is so good." Oh yes, let me share the story of coming to terms with my identity for the last 28 years."

I can't speak about other adoptees' experience. I can only speak from my own.
Some pretty universal advice I would give to friends of adoptees that come back from their trip would be this: 

• Express your interest in hearing about their trip- offer to spend some time together to catch up 
• If they say they need some time and space, allow them to have it but offer that whenever they're ready, you're there for them. 
• Listen to their story. 
• Intuit their level of readiness to share. Don't push too hard.
• If they share something that was hard for them, try not to 'silver line' it. 
• Ask questions but if they seem like they aren't ready to answer or answer the questions fully, be respectful and don't push for answers. 

As an adoptee, advice I would give to other adoptees would be: 

• If your friends' interest in your trip seems intrusive, understand your friends are interested because they care about you. 
• If you need time to yourself, take it. Let your friends know that you appreciate their support but need time to yourself. 
• Reach out to other adoptees because they can relate to your experience. Even if it's online. You're never alone. 
• Check in with yourself about what your needs. 
• If you are sharing and people ask questions you don't want to answer, don't feel like you have to answer. Gently let them know if there is something you don't want to talk about. 
• Try not to get upset if someone compares your experience to an experience they had if it misses the mark a little. 

Upon my return I have allowed myself to be, what I call, Selfish in a Healthy Way.
I have had some weird reactions to being home but I just let myself follow them.

I always thought it was cheesy when Korean Adoptees came back from Korea and only ate Korean food.
The first place I drove to, the day after I returned home, was H Mart, a Korean grocery store. I cooked myself and my friends a bunch of Korean salads. Since then, I've continued to make a lot of Korean food.
I felt like, "Ugh, Corinne, that's so cliche..." but whatever.
It just makes me happy.

I surrounded myself with specific friends.
If I don't feel like doing something, I don't force myself to.
I am reaching out in the adoptee community for support.
I am teaching myself Korean.
I'm only doing what makes me happy.

I am glad to be home but I do miss my Journey homies and Korea.