Saturday June 28th
Tim, a fellow Journey member, and me on the last morning of our trip.
While I cried all morning, he didn't tell me I shouldn't be crying.
He didn't look uncomfortable at seeing me cry.
He wiped my tears and smiled back.
He understood I was crying out of joy and sadness.
I woke up early and got ready before everyone else. I got dressed up for the closing ceremony. I did my make-up but made sure to skip the eyeliner and mascara. Tears were inevitable.
While in Seoul, we had breakfast at the same place every morning. I went to the cafe by myself and ordered an Americano. We had to prepare a 5 minute speech to read at the closing ceremony and I needed a few moments to collect my thoughts.
I walked into the cafe and was greeted warmly by the owner. I had seen him every time I went to the cafe but nothing more than "Hello" and "Thank You."
He said to me so genuinely, "Today is a sad day because you are leaving. But it is a good day because from now on we will be friends forever."
He wrote down his name on a piece of paper and told me to find him on Facebook.
I started to cry.
This was the way I was welcomed by almost every Korean person I met on the trip. "Hello. Nice to meet you. We are now friends forever"- and they mean it!
It was similar but not quite the same back home in New York. It was the opposite of the general sentiment of Seattle.
I sat in the sunshine and wrote my speech. My other group members joined me. They could tell I was a wreck.
One of the guys from the group said he didn't feel any sadness. He preferred to live in the moment. He didn't think about leaving the group and leaving Korea. He wanted to enjoy every moment we had together.
Tim and I supported him. We told him that that was fine- it's OK not to feel sad or to not want to cry. Maybe he'd never feel sad about parting ways- maybe this trip was only happiness. Maybe he would experience a more emotional reaction later- in an hour, in a week, or 5 years from now.
We told him that the most important part was to not deny any feelings he did have, whatever they were and whenever they decided to bubble up. Let any emotion that came up- happiness, loss, anger, sadness, resentment, fear- manifest itself and to explore it.
We warned not to tell himself he shouldn't be feeling a certain way, but it was ok if he didn't feel the same way everyone else was feeling.
It can be easy to be confused about how you feel. Especially when all the feelings are new-when they surround a part of yourself that you either denied existed or didn't know was there.
You look around a room at a bunch of people crying and think, "What is wrong with me? Why don't I feel this way? They are so emotional and I don't feel anything."
On the other hand, you can be your own enemy by saying to yourself things like, "Why am I so sad and so angry? I was given this opportunity to come to Korea with almost all my expenses paid, and I feel so sad. I should be happy!"
It's ok to feel everything or nothing or some where in between- as long as you aren't telling yourself how to feel or not to feel.
I returned to the hotel and brought my bags downstairs and we made our way to the closing ceremony...
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